TA..... It has arrived!

I am soooooo happy our TA is here and now I am one step closer to my girl. It looks like we will travel around the first of March if all goes well. Hopefully we will know sooner rather than later.... HEY I am going to China... HEY I am going to China... YEAH.... Insert Happy Dance here.... YEAH.... I can see clearly now the rain is gone. I can see all obstacles in my way! Ok I am going to remain on cloud nine for a while but I will leave you with a picture and the knowledge that today four weeks ago I saw my little girls face for the first time!

Looking Back on "The Call"

I am using this blog as a sort of diary and so I thought I would take the time to put down in writing "The Call" before I forget... Not that I ever really could but it would be nice any way!
SO it starts a few days before jumping on the computer every five to ten minutes of the day and this is by no means an exaggeration. Finally I see what I have been looking for news that referrals were on the way. In fact there were reports of over seas receiving their darling daughters and sons information so I knew it would only be a day or two for us. Life moved at a snails pace and the computer was never far from my sight. I was looking at RQ and the boards as well as watching our email for the Stork Alert which oddly enough never came for us. Nope I opened up email once again in desperation as I had read other agencies in the states were calling their people only to see no news. I started to cry, even one more day of waiting seemed way beyond what I could handle. I had asked my agency in advance what time they got mail call and I was fairly certain if I did not see an email before two then we had a slim chance of seeing a referral that day. So I was giving myself room as it was only 9 in the morning. Refresh, walk away, Refresh, walk away, Refresh...sigh ok this goes on for an hour literally I checked out the computer gambit every five minutes. Then it happened at about 10 I went to check email ONE MORE TIME and there in all its glory were the words....THE STORK HAS LANDED..... See no stork alert for us he just LANDED. I jump up and down and up and down and then decide to call DH to let him know life was about to change and that if he did not answer the phone when I called him he would be in MAJOR trouble. Now in the time from when I got the email to the moment the call came for us I was a huge wreck. I managed to get the camera and Video set up and made sure I had a pen and paper, but other than that I just could not function. Oh one other thing I did was have some special M&Ms ready for James while I was on the phone... like any other five yr old when the phone rings he becomes Mr.Got to have all the attention. Ok back to not functioning... James could have eaten ice cream from his hands on my living room carpet while jumping on one foot and I would have be oblivious. I must admit TV was my friend on this day, the SI FI channel was playing a string of back to back shows that James could actually watch and that were just enough to keep me distracted so I did not literally wear a hole in the carpet. Every noise was the phone ringing and I jumped ... A LOT... Poor Randy actually had the nerve to call me a couple of times while I waited only to be told DO NOT CALL THIS PHONE!!! Now as time passed and I became worried, my mind started to come up with all kinds of reasons why they had not called yet.I was so scared that we would be skipped or they decided at the last minute that we were not qualified. Thinking that it was getting close to five I started to get panicked as our agency closes then I was just sure they would all go home and just call me in the morning. So I decided to go check the computer and see all the new little faces on the boards. I never made it... The phone rang.... I think to myself "Randy I told you not to call this line" I say " Hello" and then the sweetest voice says ..."Stacey, This is Krista." I know there was a pause there before I realized this was it. This is the moment I have been waiting for all these months. I ask her if we can get DH on the line and then I forbid her to hang up. As I turn the video camera on I switch over to add Randy on the line carefully looking at the number written in front of me, a number I have dialed thousands of times but I knew if I tried to remember it in that moment I would forget so I had it written for me. I switch back over and say hello three times before Krista says she is still there...be still my heart.... Randy does answer (good thing!!) and I tell him in a very shaky voice that Krista is on the line. He tells her hello and then the most wonderful words were spoken to us. "You have a daughter...." and she continues to give us information and all I can say is OK...OK....OK....OK... I think the most intelligent thing I got out was how much does she weigh and Say her name again. The call was over almost before it began and at the end Krista says to us that she just hit the send button on her computer and we could now see our little girl. It is funny we never asked during the call what she looked like or even when we would see her. I am telling you write down what you want to ask it is so hard to think when you are finally getting "The Call". When Krista hung up the line I was some where between laughing and crying and You better believe trying to get into email. James at the point has come over to me patting me and telling me it is alright mama. Randy and I say a few words and all the while I am waiting to see Miahs face when he says to me " Oh she is Beautiful"... I start screaming... Wait Randy I cant see her... Why cant I see her.. Randy it wont work... the pictures wont come up... Then the screen flashed and in a blink of an eye I took the deepest breathe of my life. My daughter was there before my eyes the most adorable little girl in the world and she is mine. After that the first thing out of my mouth was "She is beautiful" followed directly by "LOOK AT THAT HAIR". I was in awe and after a few more words with Randy and telling James ... "This is sister" with him telling me "Yeah I know mama, it's ok" and still patting me trying with all his little might to calm me down, I hung up with Randy and called my mom right away. Randy had ended our conversation by saying he was on his way home.
I totally forgot to take pictures till the very end and then it was only one, but the video was good and I also remembered to give James his candy. When Randy got home we took James on the trip we had promised him for over a year now. To Build a Bear and he made a Bunny for sister and a bear for him, we went out to dinner at Cristina's Mexican restaurant and then came home to stare at her picture ( not that I wasn't staring at it the whole time we were out) and not get a wink of sleep. It was a day to remember and the phone call of a life time.
It is funny to look back and remember how many nights I lay awake and plan out the call in my head a hundred different ways, among the other things I dream about (like Forever Day) now it has come and gone and I still find it a little hard to believe that it actually happened and we are parents to a little girl half way around the world!!

Waiting for Miah in pictures

Waiting for Miah

If you click on the above it is the last twenty one months all rolled into a few pictures. Enjoy if you feel like it.

I 171 H update

I am so happy to put in writing that we have been approved for our 171 renewal !!! It was put in the mail today and I know this because last night a little bird called to tell me! I could not believe it, but due to the letter Randy submitted with our amendment the young lady at the USCIS office had mercy and wanted to let us know that all was well and we would have said precious doc. in hand by the end of the week. Finally some peace!! Now bring on the Ta's we are good to go!

Reality

It is a funny thing reality, we go through life and most of us feel that we are living in the moment and have a good grasp on reality. Then something small will through you for a loop and you realize your mind has wondered and you have been off in LaLa Land. OR... You get a wonderful dose of reality that you never thought would happen!!! That is what happened to me the other day ,reality came crashing in like a huge title wave and to tell you the truth I could not have been happier. I was talking to DH about packing for the trip and all the odds and ends that we would need to take care of on our list when Randy asked me where a certain item was and I said very casually " It is in Miah's room." Now I have said this many many times during our wait, in fact I have been calling our daughter by name for nearly two years now but in that moment in an instant when I said her name the most wonderful thing happened. In my minds eye I saw her face.... It was if the world halted for me and the reality of this beautiful child was so powerful I was stunned with silence. She is the one I have waited for, the one who's name I have spoken with love and anticipation. How I longed day after day to know who she was, just a glimpse of her and then suddenly in a moment I knew her. Now when I say her name I see a sweet baby in my mind and that is a reality I will never get tired of facing. You know when we got our referral I knew she was our daughter and I loved her but I do not think I let myself really grasp that this was not a fleeting thing. I think it took a while for this to really hit home and sink in. The wait had been so long with so many ups and downs and disappointment after disappointment that I was afraid a little to let go and be happy for fear of someone waking me up and telling me I was not there yet. Slowly it has come to hit me in a deep way. I mean don't get me wrong seeing Miah for the first time was full of Joy and love and one of the most wonderful moments of my life, but after the WOW moment is gone there is a little twinge of what now and is this really real type of thinking or at least for me there was. Oh I hope this makes since. Really I have just been in awe the last few days and I can not wait to hold her, I mean if the reality of her name connected to her pictures stuns me to silence, can you imagine what it will be like to hold her and actually love on my darling one. Oh I can hardly wait!!

I 171 Hell

Life as I know it has been not to fun as of late. The dreaded I 171 fairy has come up and bit me on the butt!!! I have been trying so hard to think positive and have faith that everything was going to be all right, and yeah I know it will in the long run, but for now I have a sore bum! You see we started renewing our 171 back in November and had trouble getting Update in a timely manner and was delayed about a week and a half which when you are counting every day is a big deal. Then we get every thing submitted only to find out that the Dallas office is transferring all work for I 171s to the Oklahoma office.... Lots of knots in my stomach over this but I took a deep breath and prayed it would all turn out ok. Nope I get the huge package in my mail box with Homeland Security on it... WHAT.... they had sent back our information and paperwork stating that we did not send enough money.. HMMM you mean the money for fingerprints that my dh checked about with our SW and agency more than once to make sure we were not suppose to send it in since our prints were current and are not due to expire anytime soon... Yep that is what they meant. Argggggg!!! Ok so we get it all fixed up and thank our lucky stars we noticed that we had to send it to the Dallas office?? and then they would send it on to Oklahoma??? Can you say Delay! But again I left it in fates hands praying every day that there would be lighting speed on this as we were already behind now and our paper work was sent in December 21st, you know with all the holidays that China does not observe. Well today I went to my mail box and saw a letter from Homeland Security thinking that this was it I was doing a happy dance back to my house only to crash and burn as I saw a purple letter and it did not NOT say 171. No in stead it list three things that our SW needs to amend. They are none of them big or hard to change but the fact that we could not get our 171 before TA is killing me when we did every thing we could to renew on time and make sure all our ducks were in a row. Come on I have wait a long time to see Miah's little face and now to be postponed in getting to her even longer than the Chinese New Year festivities we already are working around is just not fair. I know life is not fair but seriously I just want to curl up into a ball and cry my self to sleep. If you are reading this and you pray I could really use some prayer right now. I know it is in his hands but I also know he answers prayer!

Looking Back

It is a funny thing hind sight, the old saying is true it is 20/20 all the way. I was looking at my original blog to see what I was doing on the day Miah was born and even though there was not a post on that exact day I remember now a little better and am amazed at what I found. First my little neighbor Hayli turned five that day and she came over to play with my son. We also got the call that Randy's Grandmother had passed away in the night.... by all accounts with the information I have on Miahs finding, about the same time she came into the world his Grandmother left it. It was as spring usually is a whirlwind of activity and I was on the prowl for ladybugs. It was also the month that at the beginning of this adoption process I expected to see her little face, six months after our LID. Well that was my plan, but God had a totally different plan and in that time that I felt so hurt that it was taking for ever to get to her, she was just not ready yet. Oh the irony, how many time did I read and hear that advice in all the time I waited?? Now I see how very true it was. I had to wait and truth be told I would wait again. I still wait to hold her in my arms and as hard as it was to wait and see her face I must admit this side of the fence is even harder, but as I wrote this poem just seven days after my daughter was born I still would not change a thing. Here are the words that came form my heart when I did not know that a small baby girl lay in an orphanage just days old wait too, waiting for me.


Wait

Wait.
Month by month I wait.
Week by week I wait.
Day by day I wait.
Hour by hour I wait.
Moment by moment I wait.
Wait.
If there were end in sight I might take comfort, but the finish line is ever changing. There is not clarification, no knowing here and now only waiting.
Were I to have the choice to go back and decide to take a different path it would not matter for this is where my heart is and I would gladly choose this path again and some day I will look back on this time and know when the end will have been but now I wait.
It will be worth it, She will be worth it , that perfect child that was meant for only us. These words help but do not stop the ache of wait, just a little longer wait.
In the end I will forget the Laboring pains of love to bring her home to be the best mother I can, all the smiles, laughter and lifetime of firsts will take this ever pressing feeling of wait from me and life will go on. But now I wait.
My heart is heavy and my arms are empty, but it is not a permanent thing. To this I cling. I wait, but for what.... My daughter, joy, love, hope, happiness, and a family I have waited a lifetime for. So I will wait and even if it is not easy I will remember that I choose this wait for a purpose and a reason. It is out of love that I put myself through one of the hardest things I have ever endured and I wait to hold her but not to love her as I love her already. I wait.
Wait.
Written by Me for Miah

Still on Cloud Nine

Sill on cloud nine! Now however I feel like I am in a time warp.... I could have sworn that we had gone at least two weeks since we first saw Miah's little face, but no way... Only, well not even a week. Bummer. Oh I have plenty to do, not the least of which is get my house spring cleaned, yes I know it is not spring yet but I will be busy then and well frankly the weather right now out my window looks like spring!

We have finally come to an agreement on Miah's middle name... Elisabeth.... Miah Elisabeth..... I love it and DH is happy in a way becuse he choose it but he still really wanted to go with Jo.

Thank you Babe for making her name a little more to my liking too. Love ya!

Well I am off to finish packing the care package I have for Miah or to repack it I should say... I need a bigger box!

What I am doing now...

It has been two days since I first saw Miah and it seems as if I have always known her little face. I am so ready to hold and touch her, but the wait continues so now what to do with myself.... For starters I am reading every thing I can get my hands on about where she is and who is taking care of her. I am asking questions that I never even thought of during all of the months of waiting and let me tell you I had all kinds of lists. I am wearing new holes in my carpet from walking back and forth to see her picture... I finally wised up and printed several copies and placed them around the house. I had picked up James' copy of his sister and he went nuts on me telling me that was his picture and not to touch it... SORRY! I have been sorting through clothes and trying to decide what really will fit and what will not.... still not to sure about that. Thinking a hundred times an hour that it really happened, I got my referral and across the world is this beautiful little girl I will call my own, love and cherish oh and spoil rotten.

I have put in notice with my boss ( my next door neighbor whom I nanny for) and am a little sad about not having Bella everyday, I have taken care of her since she was six weeks old and she turned 15 months today. I know it is for the best I want to devote my time to Miah and with James homeschooling I need to keep it all as simple as possible and two babies who are(or may be) clingy will be a little much. At least she will be right next door and I can see her when ever I want.

We are still trying to decide on a middle name for our darling and It has become a real debate in our home. I am wanting more graceful middle name and my Dh wants Joe as the middle name.

Ok I am rambling so I will end this now with the thought that right now My little one has turned ten months in China today.... Hold on baby I am coming.

We Have A Baby Girl

We are overjoyed with the news of our daughter... Introducing Jiang Ai Tu

DOB: March 07, 2006

Weight at five months was 14.9 lbs ,height was 60 cm

She is in Chongqing Municipality

We will call Miah (Mia)

I will post more soon but for now we are over the moon!

The Stork Has Landed

Well it is not a secret to most in the adoption world that referrals are coming in. We are waiting for ours sometime today as the stork has made its way to GWCA. Now the real nail biting begins as every stray noise has me jumping for the phone.... Info to come asap!

It is almost time

I am so nervous just typing this, but it seems that referrals are starting to come in around the world. This is it, we are finally going to see Miah and know who and where she is. I am so overwhelmed right now that I really have no idea what to do or think. It is like all this time waiting was just a blur and here we are on the brink of something so profound and wonderful and I just can not think clearly. I guess I should make sure the batteries are charged in my camerae and maybe I should get ready and look nice so the pictures do not scare anyone, and maybe I should put out a pen that writes and my list for the call. I need to call my mom so she can get here but right this very moment I am just going to let it sink in that we are going to be parents again and this is the moment I have been waiting for over four years now.
THIS IS IT!!!!