There are a few things that have and do help me get through the wait,and one of them is getting clothes for Miah. Now I have written about this in my past blog but I felt that the subject was worth repeating for me. The top picture is shortly after we started the process to bring Miah home. We started with a few outfits and well it just kept growing. I will add another picture tomorrow of what the closet looks like after a year of being LID, but as you can see at the half way point by this bottom picture we were already having to move the shoe rack out to make more room. That to me is a good thing. Every out fit I buy (almost always on sale) is one that I hold very close and love on. I dream of what Miah will look like and smell like. I try and imagine the sound of her laugh or the touch of her tiny hands. To me the clothes are a tangible reminder of what is to come not to mention that they are just to darn cute. I also know that fancily when Miah is home I will haft to watch the budget a little closer as diapers and formula is not cheap and if I must choose between covering her tush or the cute out fit ..... well the tush wins out! Now size wise I have mostly 12 month clothing and a lot of 18 month things. There are some 6-9 month and a few 9 month things so just in case she is younger or really small I have a few things for her. I do have a back up plan to donate anything she can not wear so I do not feel guilty about buying the clothes at all, in fact they are all picked out with love and held with love so who ever wears them be it Miah or another child I know that I put my heart in to every one.

I have said it before, James is adopted... However this is something I tend to forget on a day to day basis, he is our son. It is just that simple, and it is not meant to take away from his birthmother or to ignore that part of his past, but we do not live our lives around the fact that he is adopted rather adoption is how he came to be in our lives. That being said we do not hide that fact from him either, we talk of his adoption with him and around him. We are open about it and even more so with the adoption of our daughter pending, who will look nothing like him and bring questions from outsiders that he has never had to face before. To me since he will be older than sister right away and be able to understand most of what is being said about his sister her adoption and adoption in general I want him to be prepared and well grounded in the fact that adoption is a wonderful thing and he is loved very much. Now back to the part about forgetting that he is adopted on a moment to moment world and I will tell you it is easy to forget he does not have my husbands DNA. James is JUST like his daddy in so many ways it is really cool. He talks like Randy and he acts like Randy but it is the little things that get me the most. Like when James is mad he will sigh almost identical to Randy and this is with out trying to mimics or even thinking about what he is doing, and when he concentrates really hard he sticks his tongue out and moves it the EXACT same way as Randy.... It is sooooo cute but the kicker is he looks so much like his daddy it is uncanny sometimes. There are things I would rather not mention that he does just like me but my favorite thing is the way he loves to make up a song, and how he will sing to himself making up things as he goes along not caring who hears or if it makes sense to anyone else. I sure do love my little buddy.

Enjoy the new scrap page!

One Year LID

Well in the beginning I never thought I would even see a one year mark of our LID without our daughter in hand. As time went by that became more and more of a reality and eventually I began to pray that we would only get so far as this one year mark. Well we are here and still have no clue as to when we will see our daughters face. It could be two months or it could be six. This journey has been good and it has been bad, it has been easy and it has been hard however I am grateful that we have made it this far at least this is one year I will never haft to wait again and with any luck this time next year this wait will be a distant memory and we will look back and say how worth it she is.I think the bad and hard things are the not knowing. Not knowing when and how many referrals are coming, not knowing it there will be a new set of rules set in place, or knowing if they will grandfather us in if there are. Not knowing when Miah may be born or when I can guess that she has been. That and so many more unknowns that nothing but a referral and then our daughter in arms can answer.The good and the easy have been falling in love with our daughter even without seeing her face. Setting up a place for her in our home and lives. Making a choice that no matter what we would wait for her and cherish her when we a finally given the chance. Buying all the cute clothes and holding them close wondering how she will feel in my arms and sending prayers her way.I am grateful that I have had my James to help ease the wait because I know what it is to be childless for many years and yearn for a child with none to hold. He has been as always my little prince charming and as best he could eased some of the pain of this wait. I am blessed with Randy as well as he has been a rock and helped me to keep my sanity when days like the one with only five referral days came in. Reminding me that it is just a matter of time and then we will have the child meant for us. Letting me cry but not wallow in self pity, and holding me.Don't get me wrong waiting is not the end of the world and I know that well as I have waited for a child only to hold her and lose her, that is as close to the end as I want to come. Waiting for Miah is just hard HARD.One year thank goodness we have come this far.... Almost there baby girl we are coming and we love you. Hold on!

9/11

Five years ago today I woke up to the sweet sound of my two month old son needing some attention. I made him a bottle, feed him and then lay him down on a soft blanket in the floor for some stimulation about two feet from our TV and I lay down beside him and turned it on to hear the news and weather report for the day. Never in a million years did I expect what came next. I thought I was watching a movie clip at first and then after they showed the clip of the first plane hitting the twin towers for the third or fourth time it hit me that this was real. Oh My God, I looked at James and just wanted to pick him up and hide, but I could not tear my gaze away from the news and then it happened. I watched in horror as a second plane hit, there was no turning away of the camera or going off air no I saw it all from the safety of my living room and I still felt the jolt of that impact as if I were standing there. I called Randy right away and told him about the second plane and he was stunned yelling at his co workers to turn on the new online right now, then suddenly as I am on the phone I hear a reporter stating that the pentagon has been hit..... I tell Randy this and again stunned silence, I think we just sat on the phone in silence for a while not know what to say or to do next. What was happening.... By this time there was no question that we were under attack of some kind but why and who and how were questions that would take time to answer. I stayed glued to the TV all day holding James and crying, praying and being afraid....Fear like I had never known, I mean this is America and you just don't mess with her.
Today James is five and thriving and our country has rallied together and come back from the terrible tragedy but it is not the same as before. It will never be the same,
To all who lost a loved one in this horrible event my heart and prayers go out to you may you find peace today and every day.
To our country may we continue to heal and grow, let us cause a better future for our children and a safe one at that.

Looking to Brighter Things

I know that many families who are walking the adoption road right now are in a word dazed. Dazed at the wait and the rumors, at the lack of any concrete information other than there is NO information that is reliable beyond a fault. So instead of writing about how sad, mad and well just plain dazed I am, I am going to post a very special page . This is my mom again only this time she is with James doing what I love most.... Being a kid again! With him and his cousin Aaron my mom is a true blue KID. She loves them and gets on their level to play. In this page James is almost three and he loves t dance, but he rarely does for anyone else to see. My mom is the same way she only lets a few people see this wonderful side of her come to the surface and I am so glad that I am able to enjoy her this way, but most importantly that James is and that he is in awe with his Nene!

Pictures are up

Hey look a picture!!!!! Ok I have been trying for days to get this to work and finally it has.

We took James to the science place in Dallas this summer and had a wonderful time. Most of the kids were off in other areas and we had a lot of space to our selves. I was amazed at the difference that have taken place there since I was a child but even more amazed at how much had stayed the same. I can hardly believe I can share this with MY child, so many times and moments that I thought I would never be a mom and for the last five years I have been mommy and I still get blown away by that fact. It has been almost a year since we were logged in with CCAA and as I sit here right now I find it hard to believe that Miah will be home someday soon. It seems as if I have made it all up and in a way I have pushed it aside as a way of coping with the constant let downs we have experienced this past year. I keep waiting for next month to be the month we have better news or at the very least an answer to all our waiting question. So now I will relish in the fact that it took seven years to have this beautiful boy in our lives to call our own but at the end of the day I can look in his bed to see him sleep and know that IT DID HAPPEN. It WILL happen with Miah too, we just haft to hang on a little while longer.

I have still having trouble uploading Pictures to this blog, but in the mean time here are some pictures of my little man in video. Enjoy!

Create your own video for free at http://www.onetruemedia.com/create?&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=embed

More Pages

I have been having real trouble getting any pictures to upload. I will keep trying but in the mean time I will tell you we have made it throught 11 months of waiting since our LID and I am Really Really hoping that we will stay as close to the one mark as possible, but as usual only time will tell.... A LOT OF TIME so far!

Needing to get caught up

I am a scrapper. I love all things paper and getting my hands covered in ink... but latley I have just been in the dumps and not really getting any pages done. I am much more creative when I am happy and upbeat , however with the delays in getting Miah and the adoption going forward it is only normal that I have been anything but upbeat. Much to my dismay this has affected many things in my day to day life and I am making a choice to turn that around. I need to for so many reasons and the number one reason is my family. They need me, focused and in charge of the little day to day things that we take for granted until one day the need is not being met and you find your self in a pickle of a mess and behind on all the things you once loved so much. So here are a few of my efforts to get caught up on James' book and my own as well.

Oh by the way if you are out there I would love to know. Please leave a note if only to say Hi I stoped by. It would really help me out ya know, and thanks!

School shopping

Well with less than two weeks to go until James starts Kindergarten I have been shopping, shopping, shopping. It seems over the summer he has outgrown every pair of pants he owns. The only problem is that it is only in length that they no longer fit. The wait size if fine, and this is a big problem! It is so hard to find anything that is not swimming on him so I have learned to love two things 1) 5 slim these seem to do really well but are very hard to find and 2) the new drawing up waist in children's pants. Did you know that they now put elastic on the inside of kids jeans with a button to change the size in an instant on certain brands. It is really nice and will make life a lot easier or at the very least his wardrobe easier to manage.
Now we have all the school supplies that are required but all the fun of having them is gone. It seems that the kids must give all the supplies to the teachers and then they are all doled out as needed.... Where is the fun in that! I loved arranging my supplies when I was a little girl, taking them in and out of the supply box, having a special pencil, decorating every thing with my name and knowing it was mine and mine alone. Not so now days you send in two or three of every thing and they store it away No Fun I tell ya!

PB & J

I am so proud of my little man. He has accomplished another first in his life, and was rewarded with a great lunch. Yep that is right James has successfully made his first PB & J. I was going to make lunch and the next thing I know James has taken the bread out of my hand saying " I will do it". I must admit my first thought was what a mess that would be, but wiser thoughts prevailed and I realized that he is really getting to be such a big boy and this is just another first in the raising of a child. Besides that is what cleaning products are for and a mess never hurt anyone. So in all his glory he created his master piece and I dutifully took a few pictures of the momentous occasion.

Looking Back

I was inspired today by another blogger to go back and look at some of my older scrapbook pages and so I thought I would share. Yesterday I sat down and just looked at the books (many books) I have done for James in his five years of life and I am pretty far behind right now, about a year and a half behind with some things ughhhh! Well as I looked at these pages I just wanted to cry. I thought he was such a big boy here when really he was still such a baby. He is my first and I was caught up in making sure he was always ahead of the game like rolling over as early as possible and sitting and crawling and walking.... WHAT was I thinking! I wish the baby moments did not go by so fast and if I had it to do all over again I would RELAX and just enjoy him more. Maybe not try to make him a big boy so fast. I know with Miah I am going to just slow down and take time with the little things, and I am starting to do that with James now too. I want him to be a little kid and embrace childhood, now do not get me wrong I am by no means a stuffy mom I let him play, but I also expect a lot from him and sometimes it is really more than I should. I mean he is only five and it is in his nature to be messy, loud and whinny at times and I find myself telling him "your not a baby, don't do such and such" when really I just need to relax a little more and enjoy the moment.
Enjoy the pictures and check back soon as I am going to load a few just finished pages here in a bit.

The silver Lining/ Ten month LID

I took this picture a few weeks ago and now as I look at it I am hopeful. More so than I have been in months I just can not help it. To tell the truth even if I crash and burn from being up in the clouds right now it is worth it. I need this refreshing change from all the monthly doom and gloom, something to look forward to instead of dread. You know like looking forward to seeing my daughters face before the end of the year instead of dreading the wait for another nine months. Ahhh the silver lining is so sweet.... I really do think that the CCAA has always had some type of master plan to keep the wait to around 12 months and it is now starting to come into focus. With our 9/12 LID that means we could actually see our daughters face in Sept. but I really feel it will be OCT. Either way I will be over the moon as I had such despair feeling like it would not happen till next march.

So I am celebrating today. Celebrating that we have survived the wait for ten months not counting all the previous waiting with the paperchase and so on. To day IS a good day , I am going to enjoy it and be happy!

In a Moment

Have you ever watched something happen that was totally out of your control and yet it seemed to be moving in slow motion. Well James took a nose dive off the two inch step on our front entrance and as I turned I saw him fly through the air, hit the concrete and then roll onto his back. As you can see in the picture above he hit the concrete with his face first. Not a thing I could do but pick him up, cuddle him and tell him he would be ok. However I was not ok, no in fact I was shaken to the core! As a parent I am always saying be careful, watch out, slow down, don't run, and a million other phrases all in order to keep him safe, but in a moment with out warning things can happen no matter how careful I am and that is scary.... Very scary to me!!
Randy and I joke about wanting to put him in a bubble, we know it is impossible but still how do you keep them safe and not smother them at the same time? This was really a minor thing and I am grateful for that, in fact James is all healed up now with the exception of a small scar that will all but fade away in the coming days. I guess I am writing this to remind myself to cherish every moment and to be on guard!

Happy Birthday James

Five years ago today my dream of becoming a mom came true. I have written about our story before and if you would like to read it you can find it on our home page under James' story.

It hardly seems like he should be two let alone five and I am just amazed that he is ours. James is one bright, amazing little guy with a love for life and an ability to make others smile uncontrollably. We love you son!

This page to the left is the day we brought him home and it is a tribute to his adoption the words read :
For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a mother. I have dreamed and prayed for the moment I would hold a beautiful baby in my arms and eventually I began to beg and cry out to God for the child I yearned for not understanding why it was taking years to conceive. Seven years I waited for you and God did answer my prayer with the most perfect child for me. I did not carry you in my womb but in my heart. My struggle to get pregnant was only the road that lead me to where you are and I would not change that for all the world. Adopting you is the reason God made me wait. You are my special gift and even more precious to me than I could ever imagine... I love you My James now and Forever you will be my Baby Mine.
http://www.geocities.com/rfordtuff@sbcglobal.net/

We are so blessed with our son that I can not even imagine how much more wonderful our world will be when we bring Miah home. Twice the birthdays will be so great.... I can not wait!!!

From a baby to a big boy just like his daddy. Now James is into remote controlled cars and the Cars movie. He loves bubble gum and tormenting our dogs. His favorite food is tomatoes and pickles. He hates to be woken up in the morning (yep he's my kid) and he sticks his tongue out when he is really concentrating ( just like his daddy) see photo!
Five wonderful years ..... I love you James!

The Fourth of July for Us

Fourth of July this year came and went with no fire crackers or sparkler for us this year, and I missed them! However there was lots of family fun and a few suprises along the way.

As we pulled up to James' GreatGrandFathers home in Log Cabin Tx we were greeted by four baby armadillos. They were to young to be aggressive and to dumb to be scared so we got to get up close and personal with them, I even reached out to touch them and they just continued to root for bugs and go about their business as if we were just a part of the scenery. James was not sure what to think and took it all in moment by moment. I think the kicker for him was when one of them decided to figure out what my camera was and walked right up to me and sniffed my lens. James kept a pretty good distance from then on.

James was again out numbered by little girls, it seems every where we go he is the only little boy around. Today he was in the company of his cousins one of which we were newly introduced to and are so glad to finally know. Samantha and Hailie were a blast and both Hams for the camera. All three of the kids are within a year of each other so they a wonderful time playing and just being kids.

It is wonderful to know that they will grow up in a land that is FREE. They will have opportunities to pursue anything they choose and the right to speak their minds. They are full of raw potential to achieve the unimaginable and this land is fertile ground for their imaginations. Thank you America for being the home we love and hold so dear. May you continue to flourish and grow as a Nation.

Almost....

They made it through the 28th..... Hey that is great news and I am thrilled for all the families who will be united with their families this coming week. Congrats to you all.

We have been busy with summer life here in our home. My niece came for a week and we were hardly home at all. Our agenda consisted of :

!. Hawaiian Falls Water park
2. Grapevine Mill Mall Outlet shopping
3. The Cars Movie
4. The Shaggy Dog Movie
5. Six Flags Theme Park
6. Lots of Swimming

Followed up by a weekend full of activities and Family fun.
James participated in the end of season Baseball parade and got to throw candy at complete strangers. It was in a word HOT!!! But worth it to see his little face light up when it was his turn to get his first trophy at the end of season ceremony. The hard part is my camera died after my first shot of the parade and now I am relying on others for photos..... Ughhhh! Then we had a church picnic and that was a total blast too. I came with a cooler full of food I had made for our family and a guest just in case as per instructions given at the previous service. Well when we get there most every one else had stopped at Taco Bell or KFC on the way to the park for their lunch. I felt really silly carrying out the big cooler and all my dishes but I bet you ten to one we ate better than anyone else there.

Fathers day for our family was full of church, Mexican food, and some good ole video fun. I got in mucho trouble with my mom because I did not call my dad early enough and he had already gone to bed. Give me a little credit here mom, when I talked to dad he said he had gone to bed at 5. No fair!! I did however call him the next morning so all is forgiven and I remain the loyal loving daughter I have always been.

This weekend I have gotten a few more scrap pages done so I will end this post with one of my latest designs... Let me know if you like it.

What goes up MUST come down

Ok so I am seeing a few rumors that say we may actually get through the end of June this month and I am Leary. However I am going to cling to the old saying What goes up must come down(I am totally disregarding that is is ment for gravity). There has got to be a ray of light some time and why not this month?

Nine Months

Wow I have not posted in a while... Hmmm, I knew I had gotten busy but I had not realized how busy till now.

Well today CCAA has had our paperwork logged in for nine months. We are in the matching room with no clue how many months are ahead of us, and James has stopped asking about Miah. That makes me sad. He just does not understand why it is taking so long and I think he feels we made it all up or she is like Santa Clause and he is never suppose to see her. I know it will all work out ok I just wished we would have waited a little longer to let him know that we were going to adopt his little sister.

Nine months.... Seems like such a long time, and a blink of an eye all at the same time, I hope that the next possible nine months of waiting go by with joy and fun with James and quickly when it comes to the ache in my heart for Miah!




This picture of James is almost two years old but it is really how I feel today... Ready to go!