Reality

It is a funny thing reality, we go through life and most of us feel that we are living in the moment and have a good grasp on reality. Then something small will through you for a loop and you realize your mind has wondered and you have been off in LaLa Land. OR... You get a wonderful dose of reality that you never thought would happen!!! That is what happened to me the other day ,reality came crashing in like a huge title wave and to tell you the truth I could not have been happier. I was talking to DH about packing for the trip and all the odds and ends that we would need to take care of on our list when Randy asked me where a certain item was and I said very casually " It is in Miah's room." Now I have said this many many times during our wait, in fact I have been calling our daughter by name for nearly two years now but in that moment in an instant when I said her name the most wonderful thing happened. In my minds eye I saw her face.... It was if the world halted for me and the reality of this beautiful child was so powerful I was stunned with silence. She is the one I have waited for, the one who's name I have spoken with love and anticipation. How I longed day after day to know who she was, just a glimpse of her and then suddenly in a moment I knew her. Now when I say her name I see a sweet baby in my mind and that is a reality I will never get tired of facing. You know when we got our referral I knew she was our daughter and I loved her but I do not think I let myself really grasp that this was not a fleeting thing. I think it took a while for this to really hit home and sink in. The wait had been so long with so many ups and downs and disappointment after disappointment that I was afraid a little to let go and be happy for fear of someone waking me up and telling me I was not there yet. Slowly it has come to hit me in a deep way. I mean don't get me wrong seeing Miah for the first time was full of Joy and love and one of the most wonderful moments of my life, but after the WOW moment is gone there is a little twinge of what now and is this really real type of thinking or at least for me there was. Oh I hope this makes since. Really I have just been in awe the last few days and I can not wait to hold her, I mean if the reality of her name connected to her pictures stuns me to silence, can you imagine what it will be like to hold her and actually love on my darling one. Oh I can hardly wait!!