Friday, January 30, 2009

Day One: Battles and LOs

I am off to a good start. Day one of thirty and here I go...

I am up or at least I think I am up in time... Until I realize that the alarm clock has never gone off and it was a dream. I just hate that , now I am in a rush this morning and have the jitters since I jumped up as soon as I saw my rebellious clock reading thirty minutes later than I thought. My son is NOT a morning person and so I must tread lightly to avoid a fight and rushing him is OUT of the question or we are talking total melt down mode, and I have not got the patience nor the time first thing in the morning for that. So the balancing act begins.

It took me a while to figure out that when mom my told me to "pick my battles" she was right.

I mean I am the mom and he is the child so he should do what I say right?? Well just because he should does not mean he will . In fact just like every child he has his moments and refuses to listen or be obedient, so I am learning to read HIM and make sure I do not start a fight over the small stuff that really is not that important. In other words I try not to set him up. This has been hard for me, when I was little I was a very compliant child. I never asked why and rarely tried to go against anything my mom said. I hated conflict... still do, and I was trying to parent James in that way ... expecting him to be like me and just do what I say. He is not me and I can not parent him the way I was parented... Wow, as a parent you must be flexible... You know "pick your battles".

So what might that look like? For starters, if I am in a hurry in the morning I let James make a choice on what he wants for breakfast instead of just choosing for him like usual. See in this home you eat what you get and are happy to have it or you do not eat. James will not eat if he feels rushed in the morning. BIG BATTLE! To me it is not worth fighting him to eat what I give him first thing in the morning if we are in a hurry so if I let him choose then he feels empowered with the choice and does not fight me. I feel that he has a good start to the day and a full belly. WIN, WIN!!!

I know, simple concept huh?? Well it took me a while to figure out that parenting can be flexible and still have structure. Do not get me wrong, I am not a drill Sergent or anything like that, but I did feel like if I did not have complete obedience I was doing something wrong or that if I do not nip it in the bud now that as he became a teenager he would never listen to me. I know now that listening and watching his needs and learning style gets me far greater respect with him and then when it is time to put my foot down he knows that I mean it. We still have battles but they are ones that I feel are important life lessons. Weather he has oatmeal or a cereal bar?? That is not as important as weather he has a decent breakfast to get him through the day.

Now for my secound goal... I finished not one but two LOs yester day!!! So fun!
This is my mom and Miah and some of my favorite pictures! Here I sanded down the pink paper to give it an uneven rough look... Great for taking out a little frustration!

This is James in January of 05! Just 3 1/2 years old... My little buddy!

1 comment:

Kelley said...

I am so with you on choosing your battles! Sometimes you have to put your foot down and there is no negotiation. Here's a little thing that I learned from my SIL and we say it often at our house...You get what you get, you don't pitch a fit and you praise God for it! This comes in especially handy when I serve chicken to Mia!! Have a wonderful weekend!