Thursday, June 04, 2009


Time is a funny thing. Some days you just want it to hurry up and fly by so you can get to that next big thing. You know the one your whole life hinges on... waiting for your wedding day, waiting for your child to come home, or the next holiday , vacation or day off. It is normal and every one I know wishes time would speed up just a little once in a while. Now I would give almost anything for time to stop. Right here and now and never change. I wish with all my heart I could go back in time and warn my family that I could somehow change what we are facing now. I look at a carton of milk and the expiration date makes me sad. I think about James going into third grade and how quickly this summer will fly by. That alone sends me into a deep dispare. I hate seeing movie trailers that say come in blah blah blah. They all remind me of the one thing he does not have enough of TIME. We all face the truth that life is short and we all must take a final breath at some point in our lives, but for most of us we flash on the thought and then shake it off feeling that, that day is a long way off in our future or we say You never know when so why worry about it. What if you did know or you were given a time line... How would you view time then. That is where I am at, viewing time as the enemy who will very soon take my daddy away. He is only 56 and yet ...We are not promised tomorrow.
My dad is really sick and it is that ugly word so many of us have heard to many times, Cancer. Lung cancer to be specific and it is in stage four meaning it has spread through out his body. We are told that with out Chemo he has two to four months to live and with treatment we may have him for ten to twelve months if his body can handle it. Every breath he takes is a labor for him and I haft to tell you even though the signs were there early my dad just pressed on and continued to work hard not telling anyone the amount of pain he was in. Just a good ole boy doing what he needed to do for his family. In fact he had a heart attack and did not tell anyone and due to lack of insurance he never sought medical attention. DAD!! My dad had several sever attacks at night where he thought he was dying before he allowed my mom to finally take him to the doctor. He has lost his strength fast, in a matter of a few months his weight dropped over 50 pounds and still he was giving it all he had.
Now what, how do we get through this. I know we will and we will make the best of all the time we have. It hurts, it sucks and I hate it. I do not know how to tell my son or daughter, what is the right thing to say and when to say it. Time... I need more ... He needs more. I love you daddy and I am so very sorry that you are facing this horrible thing.


Ladybugs' Mom said...

What a beautiful post! I pray your father has just enough time and your family has peace and love until....

Anonymous said...

Stacey, I am so sorry. I pray that each day you have together will be filled peace and comfort.

I know EXACTLY how you feel. My dad died at 45 from stage 4 lung cancer, he also did not have insurance.